I’ve often thought that there is a certain degree of narcissism present in anyone’s decision to become any kind of artist. Just having the idea that I’ve got something to say, and I want as many people to hear it as possible, because it’s important to me and should be important to them too, strikes me as arrogant at the very least – of course in my case, it’s a charmingly self-deprecating sort of arrogance.

It is, however, really difficult to maintain that narcissism/arrogance/healthy self-confidence once you start sending your work out into the public. Take me for example – I spent waaaay too much money on research (I’m going to have to sell a lot of books just to pay for the books I bought to write my book*), and two years of my life thinking and writing and editing and rewriting and re-editing and so on, until I thought, “That’s it! That’s exactly what I want to say, and said as well as I can say it!” Then I started shopping my new baby around to agents and publishers, visions of accolades, best-seller lists, and movie deals in your head. “Hahahahahahahahahaha!” I thought (charmingly and humbly, of course), “This’ll show those naysayers who said I was dreaming/wasting my time!”

So I sent out a shitload of query letters and waited for the offers to start rolling in, for the agents to start slugging it out over representing me and my modest little book: “What? All this fuss over little ol’ moi?”

Except that’s not what happened. Responses start trickling in, but they’re all rejections – as of this writing, I’m up to 67 rejections from agents, with only a couple of tiny nibbles of interests. They’re almost all really, really nice, but still . . . I haven’t faced this much rejection since before I met the lovely and talented Jess . . . I’d kind of forgotten how much it stings.

It really gets kind of demoralizing but every once in a while, something happens that gives me hope. A few weeks ago, I learned that Frontier Tales wants to publish a chapter of my novel, which was a huge boost.

Last week, I entered my book in a Cinematic Novel contest. I broke down and paid an extra fee to get some feedback. I wasn’t hoping for much – after all, I’d sent my first novel, Thumperica, to Kirkus Reviews for an obscene (to me anyway) amount of money, and they trashed it. What made it even worse was that the reviewer clearly only read roughly the first half of the book (but at least I’m not bitter).

Anyway, today, I got the feedback from the contest. Here’s what the contest person had to say (by the way, IP stands for Intellectual Property – I’m guessing that by an “existent IP” they mean a character or story that is out in the world now, i.e. a franchise sort of character):

*****

Feedback (Cinematic Book)
TO BE FREE tells the action-packed, vivid story of Nate Luck, a Russian-Buriat immigrant to
America during the heyday of the “wild west.” As a rancher, a soldier, and a father, he transforms
effectively from a starry-eyed, adventure-craving idealist to a disillusioned but still principled
American in every sense of the word. The characters, plot and structure are all there to make this
a dynamic feature or limited series, and the storytelling should be noted as a standout. The
primary obstacle to adapting this work to the screen will be that it’s not based on existent IP, and
as a period piece may be expensive to produce.

One of the primary elements studios and streamers look for in adapting material is character, and
that is an area where this book really shines. Nate Luck is a captivating protagonist, driving the
action forward with his impulsive love of life, fighting spirit, as well as sunshiny optimism. Whether
he’s defending someone outside a brothel or battling the love of his life, Esme, the plot hinges on
his action and his character. He also is a unique protagonist in terms of his heritage, and the
specificity that brings to him navigating The West is truly wonderful. His strength as a horse-rider
due to his Mongolian grandfather and mother, his resistance to being seen as anything other than
independent, they are ripe for bumping up against this classic American setting. How he
transforms into someone who sees the cracks in the shiny marquee of The American Dream are
all the more heartbreaking for the great spirit he brings to fulfilling it.

The women characters are also refreshingly vital and active, which is all too rare in male-dominated
genres and historical stories. From the engaging way Nate’s mother is described to the feisty
Esme, there would unquestionably be desirable parts for actors of many different genders, ages,
and ethnicities. This diversity is a definite plus, but all the more so because it doesn’t feel on-the-nose,
but rather — simply — earned and factual.

Speaking of factual, the historical research would set this project apart for adaptation as well. They
add so much (seeming, at least) authenticity, whether talking about the cargo laborers traveling
on credit-tickets to the differences between the Cheyenne and the Nez Perce tribes. While at times
the line between reality and fiction is blurred, much like in the novel of The Princess Bride by
William Goldman, this only serves to plunge us deeper into the story and is effective. My only
caveat would be that some of the racial realities of the time, even if they are grounded, can be a
tough pill to swallow. For instance, Nate’s reaction to the Chinese as an “inherited prejudice” may
shut down some readers, even if he very quickly realizes the error of his ways in America.

My main word of caution is that, as the story is not based on existing IP, it will likely be more
challenging to get made. Typically, historical adaptations have had a well-known protagonist or a
connection to a specific, well-known event that can help sell the story. One thing to consider is
how Nate Luck can feel like a FORREST GUMP protagonist, traveling through many different well-known
events. Highlighting these instances structurally could perhaps help filmmakers connect
the dots. That said, this may be a challenge for the writer, no matter how well-told the story is,
particularly given the added expenses that come with any historical setting.

One quick thematic note: I really like the idea presented that, because Nate has a wealth of
memories to “draw on and remember,” that he can live as a “King of Infinite Space.” This poetic
counter to the ravenous demands of Manifest Destiny elevates the story into the arena of the best-themed Westerns, like NO COUNTRY FOR OLD MEN, TRUE GRIT or UNFORGIVEN. Overall, this is a
highly readable story that has the action-oriented, visual elements to translate well to the screen.

*****

Yes, you read that right – it gets compared to No Country For Old Men, True Grit, and Unforgiven! Feel free to go back and double-check it; I’ve probably read that thing six or seven times since this morning. I’ve got to say, this came out waaaaay better than I expected. To be honest, I had very low expectations. I certainly didn’t hope for anything this positive, and I’m not sure how to process it. I was really expecting something that would just make me feel worse for wasting the money (lookin’ at you again, Kirkus!).

Instead, I got feedback that made me feel like they really “got” what I was going for, and that I kinda hit that nail on the head. I’ve had some wonderful friends and family who’ve given me very generous and favourable feedback but, outside of my thesis committee (who also liked it, but mostly seemed impressed by my ability to eliminate 50,000 words in a couple of weeks while keeping it a coherent narrative), there hasn’t been much in the way of outside/objective validation until now.

So now I’m doomed to have hope again, at least for a little while. To quote some British Sports commentator, “It’s not the despair, it’s the hope that kills you.”

Oh well, I never expected it to be easy.

*On the other hand, is money spent on books and travel ever really misspent?