I think it’s probably hard to be a Christian in America, maybe harder than anywhere else on earth. I don’t mean more dangerous, because there is probably no place on earth less dangerous (physically anyway) to be a Christian. We’ve just been too blessed. All over the world, there are Christians who are being seriously persecuted – being beaten, tortured, imprisoned, and killed for being Christian. I mean, how are we supposed to compete with that? We’re Americans. We’re supposed to be #1. Don’t get me wrong, we certainly try, having our little hissy fits because some liberal wants to take “In God We Trust” off of our money, or because somebody wants to take away the 10 Commandments plaque from our courthouse, or because someone doesn’t like our Christmas decorations, but let’s face it, these things just don’t cut the mustard in the persecution sweepstakes. It’s kind of embarrassing, really. I think we need a bold new interpretation of Jesus, one that fits the American mold better. Jesus himself said, “Blessed are the peacemakers.” If that’s not a ringing endorsement of Sam Colt’s six-gun, the gun that made America great, I don’t know what is. A lot of times though, he sounded distinctly un-American. All that stuff about giving your stuff away to help the poor, and the meek inheriting the earth, what’s that all about? You’d think he didn’t want us to shoot people who want our stuff. Let’s face it, if he really knew what he was talking about, we’d hear a lot more about what he said in church. He’s supposed to be the basis of our faith, he’s the Christ in Christian, so why are 75-80% of our sermons based on the old testament (particularly the “smiting” bits. We do like the smiting), or what Paul and the Disciples had to say about what he said?

We’re Americans. That old, mushy Jesus may be ok for all those Socialists in Europe and Canada, with their health care and gun control, but that’s not the way we roll, and we must be doing things right. Why else would God bless us so abundantly, and let all those other Christians in other parts of the world suffer so terribly? God wants us to have our guns, just as many as we can hold. How else are we going to protect all our stuff? It’s all stuff that God has given us, right? Aggressively defending it is just good stewardship. Besides, if we really wanted to help those foreign Christians, we should stop sending them food and money. We should be sending them guns. God and guns are what made America great, there’s no reason why it shouldn’t do the trick for them. God wants us to make our own way in the world, and if some can’t keep up, well then, they need to get right with God first, and then maybe they’ll get help, or better yet, they won’t need help. God wants us to stick our thumb in the eye of the Government every time it gets to thinking it can stick its nose into our business (or if we’re industrious enough, businesses). Who does the Government think they are anyway? I mean, who put them in positions of authority?

What we as Americans want, and deserve, is a John Wayne Jesus. One who’s fair, but realizes that “some people” just don’t belong, that there are some people you just can’t help. One who’s generous and kind, but not afraid to open a can of whup-ass on those who deserve it. A Jesus who’s tough, and believes in tough love. A Jesus who’ll make sure that we all get exactly what we’ve got coming to us.