So, I’m sitting here feeling like the world’s biggest hypocrite (of course, I realize that that may be self-aggrandizing. There are a lot of televangelists, politicians, and pundits out there). By the way, this post is probably not going to be very funny. Sorry.
Rich Mullins (with whom I am vaguely familiar) once said, “Christianity is not about building an absolutely secure little niche in the world where you can live with your perfect little wife and your perfect little children in your beautiful little house where you have no gays or minority groups anywhere near you. Christianity is about learning to love like Jesus loved and Jesus loved the poor and Jesus loved the broken.”
So here’s my problem: I am one of the leaders of a mission group that goes to an Indian Reservation every year. Recently, I was contacted by a woman, whom I am pretty sure is a homosexual, about her and her partner going with us. Now, to be clear, I realize that whether she is or isn’t gay is NONE OF MY FREAKIN’ BUSINESS, and, to be honest, I don’t really care, because, again, it’s NONE OF MY FREAKIN’ BUSINESS.
So I talked to some of the other leaders of the group about it, and we hem-hawed around like Christians always seem to do when reality meets our genuine desire to serve God. Well, we beat that horse pretty much to death, and it devolved (as these types of discussions always seem to), into a discussion of whether being gay is a sin or not.
At any rate, I, in my own inimitable idiom, decided that the most respectful approach was the head-on, blunt, bull-in-a-china-shop approach. Earlier, I sent her a message asking her whether she was gay and expressing my concerns and why they exist. I haven’t heard back from her. I’m really hoping that I haven’t offended her, because, as I said before, it’s REALLY NONE OF MY FREAKIN’ BUSINESS, and I hope that she doesn’t take this as a rejection, because it’s not.
WHAT I THINK:
Now, just in the interest of clarity, I’m going to let you know which side of that discussion I fall on: I think sometimes it is, and sometimes it isn’t. I think if you (not YOU in particular, but just a general you) decide/choose to be gay, because it’s becoming more popular/accepted, or to piss off your parents, or as some sort of “lifestyle” statement, then I think it is. But, I’ve known too many gay folks who never “chose” to be gay, it’s just something they are. In fact, I’m pretty sure that all of the gay folks I’ve known (and it’s quite a few of them) were born that way. Just like I was born with brown eyes. They didn’t ask for it, or choose it. It was chosen for them, by genetics, or DNA, or whatever. Regardless of the scientific or psychological, or sociological reason, if you believe, like I do, in God the Creator, then he created them that way, just like some of us were created with blonde hair, or green eyes. The point is, it’s what God chose for them to be. I believe that God is, as the Bible tells us, a loving God. I have a hard time reconciling that with the belief that God would intentionally create some of his children to be aberrations or abominations in his sight. I believe that, thanks to free will, we all have the choice to become abominations, but I don’t believe he makes any of us that way.
Now, I realize that that doesn’t exactly line up with the common views of the Church, or even of most Christians, but that’s okay. There are lots of times when I don’t necessarily like the Church (I have a deep-seated dislike and distrust of any kind of hierarchy. Ironic, huh?), or even a lot of Christians (can YOU think of a more by-and-large, self-important and self-righteous group? I, of course, include myself among them). Besides, I cheerfully and fully admit that I could be wrong. God knows it’s happened before (at least on a daily basis, if not hourly).
THE POINT:
The point however, isn’t whether being gay is a sin or not. I’m not trying to convince anyone that I’m right (see previous italics). That is a pointless effort. The odds of me, as feeble as my faith, theological, and philosophical abilities are, of convincing anyone to change their deeply-felt and long-held beliefs are, and should be, slim. Right now, I’m just telling you what I think, and why. Mostly because I hate ambiguity. It’s okay if you don’t like me, or what I say, but I want you to be crystal-clear on why.
The point is, should practicing (and that in itself is a stupid word. I don’t know why it would take any more practice than being straight) gays be welcomed into our merry band of do-gooders, and if not, then why? We have had openly gay people come on the trip before, but they were alone, and it never became an issue (of course they were also relatives of mine, which may have had some bearing on it). I’m pretty sure we’ve also had closeted gay people on the trip, and it never became an issue. We have recovering alcoholics who still take a drink now and then come on the trip. We have people who have been divorced and remarried multiple times come on the trip. I’m pretty sure we have adulterers, and liars, and gossips, and gluttons, slothers (slothites?), and sinners of every other stripe come on this trip every year. I mean, good grief, I’m one of the leaders of this group, and I have successfully resisted the siren call of sobriety for decades. When I was single, I tried to indulge in pretty much every straight sexual sin I could, as often as I could, and the only reason I didn’t succeed was that (believe it or not) I was not exactly an Ace with the ladies. I don’t know that I’ve gotten through a single day in the last 40 years without indulging my penchant for profanity, obscenity, and vulgarity. I’m petty, I’m greedy, I’m a gossip, and a glutton, I’m proud and vain, and I know that my faith is infinitesimally smaller than a mustard seed. I know that Paul claimed to be the worst of sinners, but I’m pretty sure that I’d give him a run for his money.
So, if that’s the case, then why am I worried about a gay couple coming on the trip? Because of what others on the trip might think. We’ve had a hard time keeping this thing going, and we’re afraid that folks might not come back if there’s a gay couple in our group. And I’m not pointing fingers. I understand that many of the folks who come with us (like youth ministers, etc.) bring kids that are not their own, and that, kids being kids, they go home and tell their folks all about the trip, and that could easily have a deleterious effect on their employment and/or relationships with those parents. If nothing else, it’s a matter of pragmatism.
There’s also the point of view that would see it as an endorsement of what many Christians call “a sinful lifestyle”. Okay, fair enough. People justifiably need to be concerned about what their children see, and how it could influence their developing brains. However, I have to ask those people, what effect would it really have on their kids? Could it really be any worse than the “Kill ‘em all” movies and video games that they watch? Okay, it might make them question what they’re taught at home and in Sunday School and Church, but would not the sight of people treating each other decently, the sight of “sinners” trying to do the Lord’s work and help people also reinforce the far more important things we’re supposed to learn, like about loving each other, not judging, etc.?
Let’s face it; I’m not advocating some kind of homosexual recruiting program, I’m saying that people who want to serve the Lord should be welcomed, and that their personal relationship with God is between them and God. I don’t believe that any gay folks who might come on the trip would be aardvarking in front of the group, any more than any of the alcoholics would be getting wasted in front of them. Even I, with all of my foibles and propensities for sin, try to practice restraint when with the group (not always successfully, I might add, as anyone who has witnessed me trying to get my Gravely mower up into the truck can attest.)
WHAT DO YOU THINK?
I guess the question is only partly, “Should gay couples be included in our trip?” A bigger question might be, “What kind of Christians are we when we need to be more worried about what other Christians think, than we are about doing, and helping other sinners to do, the Lord’s work of reaching people?”
Another question is, “What kind of Christians are we that we ask others to live a lie in order to associate with us without judgement?” It doesn’t really matter if homosexuality is a sin. If it’s not, then they should be welcome in our homes, churches, and lives, to join us in fellowship and worship of the Lord, and our own efforts to grow closer to him. If it is, then they should be welcome in our homes, churches, and lives, to join us in fellowship and worship of the Lord, and our own efforts to grow closer to him.
Anyway, I hope this long-winded and rambling blather makes some sense. I really do want to know what you think. Like all of us, I want to do what’s right and pleasing to the Lord. It’s just that in this case, I’m not sure what that is.
Please feel free to use the comment section to let me know what you think. Feel free to disagree with me (you can also agree with me if you want, it’s a free country). I just think that this is something that needs to be discussed, and rarely is.
As always, thanks for reading.
Here’s my take on both your beliefs (not attacking them, just pointing out why I disagree) and whether or not they should go.
God didn’t create any of us to have sin. We are born in sin, as David said. Neither did He, as a loving God, intentionally create any of us with the genetics that make some of us susceptible to cancer, autoimmune disease, brain damage, etc. Therefore all things that are contrary to His perfect plan for humanity is a result of the fall in the Garden. Whether you or anyone else or even Rich believes in a literal Eden with a literal representative in Adam, I personally do, and I have scripture and a lot of theologians to back it up. But my point is, even those born gay fall into that category. HOWEVER, the Bible never condemns BEING gay, it condemns the ACTIONS of homosexuality. I know a few women who do not identify themselves even as bisexual let alone lesbian, who have “experimented” with other women. That is the sin act that the Bible condemns. There are homosexuals in the church who read the Bible in this way, who are convicted of their lifestyle, and choose to live a life of celibacy. They don’t feel the need to be prayed straight, or counseled straight, or marry a woman to keep up appearances. I see nothing wrong with that. I also know some who HAVE turned their back completely on that lifestyle, but that’s another conversation. Point is, homosexuality is a sin in my book. Simply being born gay, is not.
As far as whether or not they should come, I’d ask yourselves whether or not you’d allow anyone on the trip, who identifies themselves as part of your church and/or as Christians (and who are the only ones we’re told to judge, according to Paul), who gossips, speeds, disobeys their parents, hates his brother in his heart, etc. I get the other implications and why it’s a hard choice. In an ideal world (ok as ideal as we can get here), that’s how I’d make the determination. People were up in arms about the movie “End of the Spear”, because Chad Allen, who played Nate Saint is gay. Who cares???? Instead, wouldn’t that be a good chance to be a witness to him (notice I said “be a witness”, not just “witness to him”)? No, some churches boycotted it. JEESH! I think letting them come along would be just fine. If anyone asks them I’m sure they can just say, “We’re not part of their organization, we just really wanted to help.”
My two cents, and it might not be coherent or well said because I’m getting over a super bad cold, and my brain isn’t up to speed. 🙂
Hey, thanks for your response! I appreciate you taking the time to comment, as well as the time to read my post. I understand, and can appreciate your point of view, even if I don’t agree with all of it. And the thing of it is, it’s really not about whether it’s a sin. It’s about whether they should be able to be included in our efforts, and, on that, we seem to agree.
Anyway, thanks for your input. I really do appreciate it. I know I don’t have the answers, I’m not even sure I have the right questions. It’s good to be able to discuss it reasonably though.
I agree with everything you said. Simple as that.
By the way, I’ve been listening to some Lucero today. 🙂
Thanks Kim! Also, as far as Lucero goes, if you heard about them from me, you’re welcome! If not, then my already high estimation of your musical tastes has gone even higher.
I love gays. They are a special group. As a nurse, I took care of many with AIDS, and I loved every one of them unconditionally. My gay friends had a baby shower for me, back in 1983. Every gay or bisexual person I know, has told me they didn’t choose that life style. That it’s a horrible life. They told me they were born that way, and couldn’t help it. I believe that God makes a way out of temptation. He has delivered me from Xanax abuse, but I have an addictive personality
Still, he makes a way out for me. He can do the same for ANY kind of temptation. I know a lot of gays who are Christian. Some keep it quiet, others flaunt it. I know it’s not my place to judge. It’s not my job. But I will always love them unconditionally.
Laura, thanks for your comment. That’s kind of the point for me, that we should love them and respect them for who they are, not who they “should” be, because none of us are as we should be. Thanks for responding, and thanks for reading.
We are all sinners.” Our sin” is not any less than another persons. It’s not for us to judge others, but it is our responsibility to allow, and help those who want to do God’s work. I have full confidence in your judgment, because I know the Lord is guiding you.
Hey Dot, thanks for your thoughts, and for your vote of confidence, however misplaced it might be (c’mon, YOU know me!). You guys are awesome! See you sunday.
Maybe I over analyze, but maybe there is a purpose for this human being and her “partner” going. Maybe, just maybe…someone on this reservation is meant to cross paths with this lady and/or her partner. On the other hand, I read that someone is wanting to go on this mission trip to an Indian Reservation to share in efforts of serving God…sounds simple enough.
By the way, I love your blog! Thanks for sharing. 🙂
Angie, thanks for your response. I agree. If everyone waits until they’re “right with God”, then nobody will ever get anything done. Glad you like the blog. Hopefully, I’ll get back to being funny soon. Thanks for reading.
Sorry pretty short comment compared to the others…..I have thought about this issue a few times, i have always thought that it is between them and God. I have a dear friend who is homosexual and he is one of the most giving caring friends. I think We all want to be more like Jesus and those are some traits of his!
Hey Mary Ann, thanks for sharing your thoughts. This is just such a touchy issue that it’s really hard to get people to discuss it, but I think that it’s one that needs to be discussed. Unfortunately, dogma usually gets in the way. Thanks for reading (and responding)!
So many Christians spend way too much time focusing on other people’s genitals and how those genitals are being employed. Just get on with it: go about your Father’s business, focusing on love vs. the law. Could your program take a hit and some parents choose not to send their impressionable children on a missions trip? Sure. On the flip side, if word gets out that your church isn’t driving out homosexual couples with pitchforks, maybe there will be a whole new cast of dedicated, loving and fully sinful (as we all are) volunteers.
I agree. Thanks for your comment. I’m finding that, among those who bother to comment at least, more are inclined to be like you, and place Christ’s two “greatest commandments” above all the legal nitpicking. Thanks for sharing and for reading. Also, sorry it took so long to respond to you. Thanks again!