I’m reading Wuthering Heights by Emily Bronte, possibly the most horrible book ever written. There have certainly been worse books written, but for sheer oppressive horribleness, Wuthering Heights takes the prize, for me anyway. In the entire book, there is really only one even remotely decent, or even intelligent character, the maid Nelly Dean. The rest are so vile and nasty, or pathetic and easily manipulated that I can’t help hoping for an earthquake to swallow up all of Yorkshire, just to make sure that none of their genetic material can be perpetuated. These characters would be right at home on the Jerry Springer show.

So why do schools insist on inflicting this book on students? The writing is, to be honest, excellent. She does a great job of setting the gothic atmosphere. I do, however, wish that Emily Bronte had had a sense of humor. It would have made an amazingly funny comedy. I don’t know that I’ve ever read a book that would benefit more from the Mel Brooks Young Frankenstein treatment.

With so many literary classics available (anything by Dickens, Fielding’s Tom Jones, Dumas, to name a few), I believe that schools continue to inflict it on students because it was inflicted on them, sort of an academic hazing. I say it’s time to stop the cycle of abuse.